The Abundant Mother

Do you remember being thirteen and looking at the older girls wishing you could be them? You remember the girls with the good hair, pretty clothes, and mature teenage bodies? They didn't have braces, didn't need glasses, and all of the boys were captivated by their cute laughs and and confident posture. They were who we all wanted to be. 

Maybe you didn't struggle with that, maybe as a young teen you were fortunate enough to feel like you had already arrived at self esteem perfection, but I found myself longing to be that beautiful older girl and I would compare myself to those girls more than I should have. I couldn't wait to be an adult so I would be comfortable in my own skin.

Well, adulthood is here, and while I'm generally more comfortable with my style and looks, I still find myself stuck in the comparison trap. This time I'm not comparing shoes, handbags, and curly eyelashes, I'm now comparing my parenting skills.

Everyday I am bombarded with articles and opinions on how I should raise my kids. I get smiles of praise and looks of disapproval all within the same store visit. I am reminded how scary being a mom can be while at the same time I'm told to embrace it, it's a joyful period. I'm advised how I should play with my kids, what kind of education they need, the food I should feed them, the clothes they need to have, the attitudes I need to change, the sleep they need, the stimulation they crave, the list is endless. I spend nights researching behaviors, health concerns, and activities to make my kids lives more fun. I spend time discussing with other moms how to create balance in our homes. And just when I think I have a grasp on what I'm doing, I see a mom post on Facebook a picture of her kids and I find myself comparing my home to hers. Is she doing it better? Are her kids happier? Do they always color together? Does she feel tense taking them on those perfect picnics? How does she have so many breakable objects in her home with that many little hands? And I can compare without even trying and suddenly I feel like I'm not parenting to the best of my ability.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalms 139:14 ESV

We use this as a scripture to boost self esteem for kids. We remind ourselves of this when we struggle with bad hair days. We post this on journals as a constant reminder. But do we apply it when we need it most? Do we quote this scripture when we don't feel adequate? Do we open our Bibles and thank God for who he made us to be even when we don't feel like it's much?

To all of you moms reading this--you are exactly the mom your kids need you to be. You were wonderfully created to be the mother for your individual children. Every mom is unique and the kids you are blessed to raise benefit from the woman God has made. 

If you are engaged with your children all day long or if you let them play on their own, good for you. If you feed your children home grown vegetables or if you fix side dishes from a box, I applaud you. Whether you homeschool your kids or send them to a public school, you should be proud. If you put your kids to bed on a routine or you let them stay up late with you, awesome job. If your kids stay in their bed all night or sleep with you, pat yourself on the back. If you let your kids have screen time or if your kids have never touched an electronic, hats off to you.

Regardless of the parenting style you choose, if you love your children and you are meeting their needs, you are doing a fantastic job of being their mom. 

When we get wrapped up in comparison and we start looking down on ourselves we have to remember we have little eyes looking up at us. All they want is for us to love them and to be the mom God made us to be, not someone else.

The next time you find yourself wrapped up in comparison, remind yourself thatGod did not create you purposeless and at this time of your life you are fulfilling your greatest purpose--to be those little children's mommas. He fearfully made you to be the exact mother for your children. 

Applaud your friends for the mothers they are but do not try to become them. But be confident in who you are, you are more than enough. You are the abundant mother.

A Momma's Prayer

My Sweet Boys,

I am a blessed momma to be given the opportunity to raise three amazing sons. Each of you has a unique personality and different interests, yet you are similar in so many ways, you keep our home interesting and alive!  And while you are all still fairly young, I know that time moves too fast and before long you will each be grown and living your own lives.

I can't help but look around and dream about who you will become. I observe young men and see qualities that I hope you develop and characteristics that I hope you avoid. I look at your personalities and picture them on adults and envision the positive attributes each of you will have.

I know when it comes to your adult life my involvement in leading you will be limited, but I promise you, you will always have a momma who is praying for you.

And today I spend time praying for your future, but I also spend time praying that I am the mother you need. I pray your dad and I are parents who can teach you by example so when you one day fly the nest you have a guide of what you need in life.

I pray that you can see a mom and dad who always love God. I pray that you will watch us trust Him and lean on Him and through that you learn that if you fall in love with Him, He will take care of you! When we grow weary I pray God reminds us we have three little people watching us.

I pray we can teach you to choose good friends. I pray our friends are examples of people who actually care about us and not only about what we can do for them. True friends may not always agree with you, but they will respect you and they will want to see you exceed. In order to find friends like that you will have to be that kind of friend first.

I pray we never stop dreaming. Things in life will come along that may cause us to pause our dreams or even change our dreams, but I hope you never see us stop dreaming. There is no age limit on dreams. Dreams keep you hopeful and dreams keeping you reaching. Never outgrow your dreams.

I pray you always see Daddy and Mommy laughing. I never want our life to become so serious that we cannot laugh. Even when life doesn't seem funny, I pray you boys will still  see us laughing.

I pray our marriage will be an example of what a marriage should look like to you. I want you boys to find good wives and I pray that you don't have to look far to find that example. I pray that you see our marriage as unshakable. Tough days will come, but I want you to see an example of two people who will link arms, dig our feet into the ground, and are able to stand against whatever life throws our way. If you let God lead you, He will help you find that woman!

I pray that you will see us love people and love to serve people. I pray you never see us become so important that we cannot pick up trash or hold a door.  I want us to be an example of how to reach out to people, how to look people in the eye, and how to connect in a way that makes people feel loved and appreciated. I pray you  move higher than Daddy and Mommy ever have, but no matter how high you move up in the world, you are never too big to reach down and help someone.

I pray that we are examples of how to be an adult. Yes, growing up can be hard, but I pray you never see us quitting in life. I pray that we never stop striving to grow more because I want each you to have that same drive in life. Regardless of the stereotypes that will inevitably develop about your generation, I pray you ignore them and you go against the trend. Make it your goal to work hard. Don't be afraid of "adulting". Don't be too scared to mature.

I pray that our home is an atmosphere for you to grow up to be who God has planned for you to be.

We are not perfect parents, but thankfully we aren't doing it alone. Daddy and Mommy are parenting with the help of God. When we don't know what to do we will seek council but we will also bury our faces and pray for God to give us wisdom. I pray I am never so arrogant that I cannot rely on God to help me.

This letter is simply to let you know that I have confidence that you will grow up to be amazing men and I pray that your childhood and our home will be conducive to that journey and not a hinderance. I want to strive to be the best mom for you and pray you have parents who help you, not hurt you!

I want you to be little boys for as long as possible but I know when you grow into men, I won't be disappointed.

Love,

A Praying Momma

30 Days to Happy: Happier Momma, Happier Wife, Happier Me

I think I have to tell my children almost daily to be grateful, to be content, to be happy with who God made them to be.  I strive to raise grateful, unique children and I am aware that they need these daily reminders to learn to be content with the blessings God gave them. Yet, many times I need to turn that lesson on myself to do the same.

I can get so caught up looking at what everyone else is doing and fall into that comparison trap--the trap that everyone else has it more put together than I do. Their children are better behaved, their homes are filled with beautiful things, their clothes are always perfectly put together, their lives are just simply more organized. And with all of that comparison I find myself needing more--I need to update my furniture, I need a bigger vehicle, I need new clothes, I need, I need, I need. If one of my children spoke like this I would quickly tell them to stop, look at what they have, and to be grateful.

So today, as I write this, I'm telling myself the same. Stop. Look at my many blessings. Be grateful.

A grateful person is always a  happy and I want to be that happy person. I want to recognize and appreciate the gifts God has so generously given to me.

So I'm going to take a journey. I'm going on a 30 day journey to get back my happy. I'm going to spend 30 days intentionally doing things that will make me a happier momma, a happier wife, a happier me.

How will I do this?

1. I will spend time talking to God every day. Yes, I do this as much as possible now, but for the next 30 days this devotion time will be focused on joy. His joy will be the root of my happiness. Without the joy of the Lord my happiness will be temporary and fleeting. I want this happiness to grow deep roots and this will begin with His joy.

2. I will spend the next 30 days eating better and exercising. Before my last pregnancy, I loved to work out and eat food that was good for me. I have strayed far from that and I need to get back into that routine. When I'm healthy, I'm happy.

3. I will be taking a 30 day break from social media. As my husband and I enjoyed a kid free breakfast today, our conversation turned into this happiness topic and I realized my comparison trap that I fall into often is centered around social media. No, Facebook isn't bad and Instagram is fun, but constantly having access to everyone else's world can make my world not seem quite adequate. I need a break for awhile to only see my friends on the outside world, and not on the social media world. I need a break to see that my life is exactly what it needs to be and not feel like I need to be living it like someone else. I can still keep my photography business and blog page current through my Pages app without having to get onto Facebook so as hard as it may seem, I believe I can do this.

4. The final thing is to do something every day that brings me my happy. Sure, I find happiness everyday now, but for the next 30 days I will intentionally do something that makes me happy. This might mean game nights, family walks, playground trips, coffee shop dates, reading time, I don't know, the possibilities are endless. I can do all of this without worrying about who is doing it better, or if my pictures are Instagram worthy. I can do this and be present in my life, something that often find myself missing.

I believe that in 30 days I will have rediscovered that person who found the happiness in the little things again. I believe I can begin to be the example of gratitude that I so often expect from my children. I believe I can be a happier momma, a happier wife, a happier me.

Will you join me on this journey? I'm officially kicking it off on Wednesday, May 24 because that random day just seems perfect. I plan on sharing my intentional happy plans with you on The Motherhood Ministry's Facebook page to give you ideas and for you to share yours as well! You don't have to do it exactly like me. You may not have a comparison issue with social media, so you don't take that break. Maybe you already eat really well and you already exercise, so you don't need that daily change. Just evaluate your life and find a few things that you can focus on for 30 days and make that your goal. Taking this journey doesn't mean you are unhappy, it just means we can all find ways to be a little happier.

Together we can become happier mommas, happier wives, and happier women.

The Lumpy Mattress Cover

In our house you can see the master bedroom from the dining room table. Because our room always on display I have become neurotic about the bed being made. But here's my secret--I am awful at making beds. It's not that I don't know the proper way, it's that I just don't care. I don't need the corners of the sheets to be perfect and I don't have to have the crisp hospital folds on the edges. All I need is for the bed to look neat. That basically means the sheets are pulled up, the comforter is smooth, and the pillows are in their place.

We have three young children so a mattress cover is a necessity (our oldest had awful reflux and his spit up stained our old mattress). We have this super comfortable quilted one on our new mattress and while it serves a great purpose, it drives me crazy! It is always lumpy. Every morning I would have to take off the sheets and reposition it to get it super smooth. But again, I don't care that much, so I pull up the sheets and comforter and smooth out the mattress cover lumps and hide them under a pillow. You can call me lazy, but unless it's sheet washing day I am not spending more than five minutes making a bed.

And as silly as that story may seem, I am reminded of how many times I have treated things in my life like that mattress cover. I have had things that needed to be fixed but for whatever reason I chose to ignore them by smoothing them to a place no one can see and made sure that I carried myself in a way that looked put together on the outside.

The problem with that logic is that my life is more than a blanket. Anyone who sees my bed would think it's properly made, the pillows and comforter hide it's secret. But my life isn't as simple as that. Sure, it's not important for you to know every bump and lump I am hiding in my life, but usually if I am so concerned with hiding my problems fro everyone else, than I'm probably hiding them from God too.

Why is it so hard to be real and honest with myself? What is wrong admitting to God that I have pain? Why am I afraid to say that I have a struggle? Am I fearful that it exposes a weakness when I say that I might not have it all together?

I shouldn't be intimidated to expose my inner self to God. I don't have to pretend I am perfect when I talk to Him. He already knows every single secret I have tucked away, but He's waiting for me to show Him.

And maybe this comes easy for you to do but I can find it difficult at times. I like to appear strong, I like to act like I have it all together, and I don't enjoy admitting I need help. So falling before God and saying that I am not always together is hard for me to do.

Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

‭‭I Peter‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

But the Word of God says that I can give Him all of my cares, all of my worries, all of my pain because He cares for me. He is there is love me. When I open my heart and give Him my life He can help me. I have to remind myself of that when I try to smooth out the wrinkles in my life on my own. When I put the smile on my face that tells everyone else that I am perfectly fine,  I have to remember that He cares. When I am with Him I can be weak, He cares for me, even with all of my flaws. Not only does He care, but He wants to help. If I'm honest with Him and admit I need Him, He will help me. The help may require me to change, I may have to give up my control, but His solution is always better than my own.

The next time I have the urge to tuck away the lumps in my life I need to remember He cares for me and wants me to give Him my hidden secrets. He doesn't want me to quickly pull up the blankets and put on the pretty, instead He wants me to hand Him what is hidden underneath because He cares for me.

A Lesson Taught by a Child

With three kids in the house my husband and I are quickly learning the art of divide and conquer. We split up everyday tasks to get more accomplished during our day. Usually when bedtime rolls around my hands are full with nursing and rocking the baby, so my husband takes care of the older two boys. Their bedtime routine is normally a time for devotion, a couple of books, and a bedtime prayer.

The prayer is usually led by my husband and occasionally he has them repeat after him. We're trying to teach them the importance of prayer and we hope that it eventually sticks and they learn to pray on their own.

Recently, I was able to join them for their prayer time and my oldest said he wanted to start the prayer. I was surprised at how well he did leading us during that time. My heart was overwhelmed when he slowly thought about each word he was praying. He wasn't quoting a prayer he memorized, he was praying every word from his heart. He thanked God for the day he had and for the blessings He gave us. He remembered his daddy's back has been hurting so he prayed for God to heal his back. He prayed for God to keep us safe through the night and then paused and added a request for God to keep everyone in the world safe. He continued to pray and at the end he asked God to put angels around our home. I listened as his younger brother then wanted to pray on his own just like he heard by example.

I walked out of their room with a spirit of gratitude that my children were learning how to pray. The following night I was feeding the baby and again I heard his little voice coming from his room praying on his own. I was filled with conviction by his method of prayer. How many times do I skim through prayers simply listing my requests? How many times do I sit down to pray and start praying out of memorization? When is the last time I sat and thought about each and every word I was praying?

We teach our children to be respectful during prayer. We teach them that we are speaking to God and that means we should focus and pay attention. But so many times I have found my own mind wandering as I speak words that I'm saying only because they are familiar and comfortable.

My God deserves a little more focus from me. Prayer cannot become a task I check off a list. My words need to be intentional. My thoughts need to stay focused.  My prayers cannot be words spoken in vain. I need to display my reverence for God by giving Him my best--my best thoughts, words, intentions.

Every night before bed we are teaching our kids to pray by repeating after us, listening to us, and talking to them about the importance of prayer. But this week the roles were reversed. My child prayed a simple prayer, but it was a deep and thoughtful prayer. And through his prayer he taught his mom a lesson. This momma was reminded about the beauty and the importance of prayer, a lesson I needed and was taught by such a small child.

Truly, I say to you unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:3 ESV

Caring for Our Kids the Way He Cares for Us

Today's post isn't a devotion or any deep thought, but I hope it's  a post that encourages moms who have multiple children.

My middle child is my wild child. His personality is big and his voice is even bigger. He feels everything passionately-he can make me laugh and want to pull out my hair all in the same minute.

 I recently had a few minutes alone with him while his older brother was out doing birthday shopping and his younger brother was napping. During that time we had fun together--we shared peanuts, split a hot dog and actually talked. He would stop shelling peanuts to lean in for a hug and pause between drinks to tell me he loved me. I was honestly surprised at how pleasant our lunch was together.

I realized then how hard the transition to middle child must have been for him. His older brother is six--he gets to play t-ball, he gets to skip nap time, he has the ability to help more, and he is obviously more independent. His younger brother is not even three months yet. He consumes the majority of our attention at home and easily grabs the admiration from strangers while we are out. None of this is wrong or intentionally hurtful but my son is feeling the shift in his role. He's no longer the baby but also not old enough to be like his big brother. Some of his wild behavior is just a cry for the attention he was used to receiving.

I feel as if I'm not always doing the best I can as a mother to my children. As a mom it is my job to make him feel loved. I am aware that the world can't stop and focus solely on him, but I can take time to make him feel special in our world.

And while this extra time may seem difficult to find in my already chaotic world, I have the best example of this individual care from God.

“Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” Matthew‬ ‭10:29-31‬ ‭ESV‬‬

God has time for me! Anytime I stop and talk to Him, I know He's listening to me. And not only does He listen, He also cares. When I'm down, I can feel His presence wrap around me. When I'm sick, I know He's my healer. And even when I'm happy, I can simply praise Him and feel His joy. My God cares about me, He always has the time and attention that I need.

This example of His love challenges me to be a better parent. I have more than one child but that's not an excuse for my attention to be non existent. If my God has more children than I can imagine and more needs to tend to than I ever will, and can still stop and know the number of hairs on my head, then surely I can make sure my children know that I love them all the same.

Moms, this week I am challenging all of us to find a way to make each of our children know that we notice them. It doesn't take a lot of time--ask them about their day and actually listen, put down our phones and color with them, or just walk by and hug them unexpectedly. Let's give our children the same attention that God kindly gives each of us.

Peace of God, Cover Me

As I sit here writing this I'm looking out of our windows facing the backyard. It's a warm windy evening and the swings on my children's play set are swinging without any human help, toys are being blown across the back porch, and the trees are swaying in the distance. It's obvious there is a storm heading this way. Looking from the inside I wouldn't describe the scene as peaceful. 

Inside my home I just finished helping one child pick up more Legos than a kid should probably own, rocked a crying infant to sleep, and comforted another son after he got in a small fight with our dog. If you were standing outside and looked into our house you probably wouldn't describe it as peaceful. 

However, something God has been teaching me and I am trying so hard to remember is that peace is not determined by the outside circumstances. The chaotic scene that surrounds our life does not define peace. Peace is the internal calm that God gives us when we let Him guide us through the storm. 

About four years ago we were expecting our second child. I had a healthy, fairly easy first pregnancy and I was optimistic that this would not be any different. However, at our thirteen week appointment there was no heartbeat detected. We were devastated at the news and we were in a bit of a shock that this could happen to us. This miscarriage shook our world. 

I prayed for healing and I prayed for peace in my life but I didn't seem to find it.  The actual miscarriage landed me in the emergency room bleeding more than I should. I was scared and horrified as they told me they removed the sac and fetus and I cried as they took it out in a plastic jar. Every time I thought I was getting past the news I would have another physical reminder that I was no longer pregnant and we would not have a baby to hold when we expected. I thought that praying for peace meant it would all go away and it would be calm in my life again. 

Around the same time I remember my church singing a Mark Condon song called "Cover Me" and l buried the lyrics deep in my heart that day. The lyrics say "Peace God, cover me, though the storm, cover me." It didn't say "Peace of God, stop the storm," which is what I typically seemed to pray. 

I was reminded that day that storms do not always stop to make my life easier. Storms are going to come in my life, but that does not mean I do not have the peace of God. That peace may not stop my storm, but instead it will lead me through it while covering me. I can face a storm in my life and get through it with His covering. I don't have to run through it senseless and scared. I can walk through it, holding His hand and have a calm I cannot explain. 

 I wish I could say that was the only storm my family has faced, but it's not. We have experienced financial storms, health storms, and normal storms that any normal family will experience. But each time that I look around and I begin feel chaos of my surroundings I remember that God is in control. There is a calm in my spirit that He gives me. 

That calmness reminds me that peace is not defined by the winds blowing around me. Peace is also not defined by a quiet, uneventful environment. 

When an outdoor storm happens there is always such a peace after it has passed. I have to remember the same in my life--in order to define a true peace, I might have to first experience the storm. But I don't have to experience it alone. 

The alerts in my world remind me something big may be coming my way and sometimes warn me to take cover, and I do. I run to Him, He is my cover, He is my peace. 

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:7