Do you remember being thirteen and looking at the older girls wishing you could be them? You remember the girls with the good hair, pretty clothes, and mature teenage bodies? They didn't have braces, didn't need glasses, and all of the boys were captivated by their cute laughs and and confident posture. They were who we all wanted to be.
Maybe you didn't struggle with that, maybe as a young teen you were fortunate enough to feel like you had already arrived at self esteem perfection, but I found myself longing to be that beautiful older girl and I would compare myself to those girls more than I should have. I couldn't wait to be an adult so I would be comfortable in my own skin.
Well, adulthood is here, and while I'm generally more comfortable with my style and looks, I still find myself stuck in the comparison trap. This time I'm not comparing shoes, handbags, and curly eyelashes, I'm now comparing my parenting skills.
Everyday I am bombarded with articles and opinions on how I should raise my kids. I get smiles of praise and looks of disapproval all within the same store visit. I am reminded how scary being a mom can be while at the same time I'm told to embrace it, it's a joyful period. I'm advised how I should play with my kids, what kind of education they need, the food I should feed them, the clothes they need to have, the attitudes I need to change, the sleep they need, the stimulation they crave, the list is endless. I spend nights researching behaviors, health concerns, and activities to make my kids lives more fun. I spend time discussing with other moms how to create balance in our homes. And just when I think I have a grasp on what I'm doing, I see a mom post on Facebook a picture of her kids and I find myself comparing my home to hers. Is she doing it better? Are her kids happier? Do they always color together? Does she feel tense taking them on those perfect picnics? How does she have so many breakable objects in her home with that many little hands? And I can compare without even trying and suddenly I feel like I'm not parenting to the best of my ability.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalms 139:14 ESV
We use this as a scripture to boost self esteem for kids. We remind ourselves of this when we struggle with bad hair days. We post this on journals as a constant reminder. But do we apply it when we need it most? Do we quote this scripture when we don't feel adequate? Do we open our Bibles and thank God for who he made us to be even when we don't feel like it's much?
To all of you moms reading this--you are exactly the mom your kids need you to be. You were wonderfully created to be the mother for your individual children. Every mom is unique and the kids you are blessed to raise benefit from the woman God has made.
If you are engaged with your children all day long or if you let them play on their own, good for you. If you feed your children home grown vegetables or if you fix side dishes from a box, I applaud you. Whether you homeschool your kids or send them to a public school, you should be proud. If you put your kids to bed on a routine or you let them stay up late with you, awesome job. If your kids stay in their bed all night or sleep with you, pat yourself on the back. If you let your kids have screen time or if your kids have never touched an electronic, hats off to you.
Regardless of the parenting style you choose, if you love your children and you are meeting their needs, you are doing a fantastic job of being their mom.
When we get wrapped up in comparison and we start looking down on ourselves we have to remember we have little eyes looking up at us. All they want is for us to love them and to be the mom God made us to be, not someone else.
The next time you find yourself wrapped up in comparison, remind yourself thatGod did not create you purposeless and at this time of your life you are fulfilling your greatest purpose--to be those little children's mommas. He fearfully made you to be the exact mother for your children.
Applaud your friends for the mothers they are but do not try to become them. But be confident in who you are, you are more than enough. You are the abundant mother.
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