The Abundant Mother

Do you remember being thirteen and looking at the older girls wishing you could be them? You remember the girls with the good hair, pretty clothes, and mature teenage bodies? They didn't have braces, didn't need glasses, and all of the boys were captivated by their cute laughs and and confident posture. They were who we all wanted to be. 

Maybe you didn't struggle with that, maybe as a young teen you were fortunate enough to feel like you had already arrived at self esteem perfection, but I found myself longing to be that beautiful older girl and I would compare myself to those girls more than I should have. I couldn't wait to be an adult so I would be comfortable in my own skin.

Well, adulthood is here, and while I'm generally more comfortable with my style and looks, I still find myself stuck in the comparison trap. This time I'm not comparing shoes, handbags, and curly eyelashes, I'm now comparing my parenting skills.

Everyday I am bombarded with articles and opinions on how I should raise my kids. I get smiles of praise and looks of disapproval all within the same store visit. I am reminded how scary being a mom can be while at the same time I'm told to embrace it, it's a joyful period. I'm advised how I should play with my kids, what kind of education they need, the food I should feed them, the clothes they need to have, the attitudes I need to change, the sleep they need, the stimulation they crave, the list is endless. I spend nights researching behaviors, health concerns, and activities to make my kids lives more fun. I spend time discussing with other moms how to create balance in our homes. And just when I think I have a grasp on what I'm doing, I see a mom post on Facebook a picture of her kids and I find myself comparing my home to hers. Is she doing it better? Are her kids happier? Do they always color together? Does she feel tense taking them on those perfect picnics? How does she have so many breakable objects in her home with that many little hands? And I can compare without even trying and suddenly I feel like I'm not parenting to the best of my ability.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Psalms 139:14 ESV

We use this as a scripture to boost self esteem for kids. We remind ourselves of this when we struggle with bad hair days. We post this on journals as a constant reminder. But do we apply it when we need it most? Do we quote this scripture when we don't feel adequate? Do we open our Bibles and thank God for who he made us to be even when we don't feel like it's much?

To all of you moms reading this--you are exactly the mom your kids need you to be. You were wonderfully created to be the mother for your individual children. Every mom is unique and the kids you are blessed to raise benefit from the woman God has made. 

If you are engaged with your children all day long or if you let them play on their own, good for you. If you feed your children home grown vegetables or if you fix side dishes from a box, I applaud you. Whether you homeschool your kids or send them to a public school, you should be proud. If you put your kids to bed on a routine or you let them stay up late with you, awesome job. If your kids stay in their bed all night or sleep with you, pat yourself on the back. If you let your kids have screen time or if your kids have never touched an electronic, hats off to you.

Regardless of the parenting style you choose, if you love your children and you are meeting their needs, you are doing a fantastic job of being their mom. 

When we get wrapped up in comparison and we start looking down on ourselves we have to remember we have little eyes looking up at us. All they want is for us to love them and to be the mom God made us to be, not someone else.

The next time you find yourself wrapped up in comparison, remind yourself thatGod did not create you purposeless and at this time of your life you are fulfilling your greatest purpose--to be those little children's mommas. He fearfully made you to be the exact mother for your children. 

Applaud your friends for the mothers they are but do not try to become them. But be confident in who you are, you are more than enough. You are the abundant mother.

A Momma's Prayer

My Sweet Boys,

I am a blessed momma to be given the opportunity to raise three amazing sons. Each of you has a unique personality and different interests, yet you are similar in so many ways, you keep our home interesting and alive!  And while you are all still fairly young, I know that time moves too fast and before long you will each be grown and living your own lives.

I can't help but look around and dream about who you will become. I observe young men and see qualities that I hope you develop and characteristics that I hope you avoid. I look at your personalities and picture them on adults and envision the positive attributes each of you will have.

I know when it comes to your adult life my involvement in leading you will be limited, but I promise you, you will always have a momma who is praying for you.

And today I spend time praying for your future, but I also spend time praying that I am the mother you need. I pray your dad and I are parents who can teach you by example so when you one day fly the nest you have a guide of what you need in life.

I pray that you can see a mom and dad who always love God. I pray that you will watch us trust Him and lean on Him and through that you learn that if you fall in love with Him, He will take care of you! When we grow weary I pray God reminds us we have three little people watching us.

I pray we can teach you to choose good friends. I pray our friends are examples of people who actually care about us and not only about what we can do for them. True friends may not always agree with you, but they will respect you and they will want to see you exceed. In order to find friends like that you will have to be that kind of friend first.

I pray we never stop dreaming. Things in life will come along that may cause us to pause our dreams or even change our dreams, but I hope you never see us stop dreaming. There is no age limit on dreams. Dreams keep you hopeful and dreams keeping you reaching. Never outgrow your dreams.

I pray you always see Daddy and Mommy laughing. I never want our life to become so serious that we cannot laugh. Even when life doesn't seem funny, I pray you boys will still  see us laughing.

I pray our marriage will be an example of what a marriage should look like to you. I want you boys to find good wives and I pray that you don't have to look far to find that example. I pray that you see our marriage as unshakable. Tough days will come, but I want you to see an example of two people who will link arms, dig our feet into the ground, and are able to stand against whatever life throws our way. If you let God lead you, He will help you find that woman!

I pray that you will see us love people and love to serve people. I pray you never see us become so important that we cannot pick up trash or hold a door.  I want us to be an example of how to reach out to people, how to look people in the eye, and how to connect in a way that makes people feel loved and appreciated. I pray you  move higher than Daddy and Mommy ever have, but no matter how high you move up in the world, you are never too big to reach down and help someone.

I pray that we are examples of how to be an adult. Yes, growing up can be hard, but I pray you never see us quitting in life. I pray that we never stop striving to grow more because I want each you to have that same drive in life. Regardless of the stereotypes that will inevitably develop about your generation, I pray you ignore them and you go against the trend. Make it your goal to work hard. Don't be afraid of "adulting". Don't be too scared to mature.

I pray that our home is an atmosphere for you to grow up to be who God has planned for you to be.

We are not perfect parents, but thankfully we aren't doing it alone. Daddy and Mommy are parenting with the help of God. When we don't know what to do we will seek council but we will also bury our faces and pray for God to give us wisdom. I pray I am never so arrogant that I cannot rely on God to help me.

This letter is simply to let you know that I have confidence that you will grow up to be amazing men and I pray that your childhood and our home will be conducive to that journey and not a hinderance. I want to strive to be the best mom for you and pray you have parents who help you, not hurt you!

I want you to be little boys for as long as possible but I know when you grow into men, I won't be disappointed.

Love,

A Praying Momma